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⁣ ⁣ “Mommy that lady has white skin and blon

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“Mommy that lady has white skin and blonde hair like me” ⁣
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I’m not sure how long White Tiger has been staring at this women and comparing similarities but I can definitely say I was very shocked to hear her say that in that moment. Not because we don’t have open conversation about race in our home but because in that moment I wasn't ready for it. In that moment I was focused on something else. She had said the comment so loud that in that moment I was a bit embarrassed and to be honest I was not in that mindset to talk about it...but she was. She was finding physical similarities in someone. ⁣
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Later that day I apologize to White Tiger for being stunned and dismissive in that moment. I told her it’s always okay to find similarities in others and it’s ALWAYS okay to race. ⁣
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There are adoptees who don't have that. They have parents who are ”colorblind” who don't feel it's appropriate to talk about race. Parents who are dismissing their children feelings and experiences and yet are using their own children as examples on why they could never be racist. ⁣
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Talking about race in your home is a must for transracial adoptive families. Adoptive parents need to be COMFORTABLE with talking about race and you need to verbally expresses to your children. Your children need to know that they can come to you and trust that you'll listen to them without being dismissed. ⁣
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If you think it's okay to use your child as the example to show that you aren't racist but aren't willing to talk to your own children about race and you don't see a problem with that, you might need to reevaluate whether you are truly doing the anti-racist work you need to do to make a better world for your children.

I SMELL CHILDREN! ⁣ ⁣ Halloween is one of my f

I SMELL CHILDREN! ⁣
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Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. As a teenager I dreamed about making family matching costumes and yearly winning the best family costume award. [y'all it's the simply things in life that make me happy] ⁣
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As a daughter of Haitian immigrants, my parents did not understand or celebrate Halloween. Every year I would try to make costumes out of clothes that we're already in my clothes. I spent a lot of years on Halloween dressed up as a business woman. ⁣
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Then don't get me started on having my parents understand the concept of trick or treating! It just was never gonna happen. I finally snuck out of the house as teenager at 16yr old to trick or treat only to be brave enough to go to a few houses because I realize I didn't know how to do it! ⁣
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Now as a mom I'm dreading the moment the kids don't want to dress up, no longer want to do family costumes or simply just don't want to.go trick or treating. It seems so crazy that the thing that I begged and prayed I would be able to do, will eventually the thing that my kids will be begging me to stop in a few years. Until then I'm going to enjoy the crazy costumes, the fun activities and stealing my kids candy. ⁣
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What is your family planning on doing for Halloween this year?

This past weekend White Tiger got to spend time wi

This past weekend White Tiger got to spend time with her biological family. ⁣⁣
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The question I got the most was ”is it hard for her to see her family” ⁣⁣
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Honest truth: sometimes. ⁣⁣
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But just because it's hard doesn't mean it not important for her to have a realtionship her family. ⁣⁣
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Just like relationships with our own family can be hard, learning to set boundaries and communication is essential. ⁣⁣
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In the end Drue and I felt that White Tiger having a relationship with her biological family was crucial to her knowing her whole true self as an adult.

October is National Bullying Prevention month and

October is National Bullying Prevention month and the Wilders have teamed up with @Google to teach our kids that #ItsCoolToBeKind. #sponsored

Having young children who are now just exploring the internet, Drue and I felt that it was important to teach them that the same kindness we expect them to have for everyone all, is what we also expect of them online as well. We also wanted to teach them how to protect their mental health as well. That Sometimes that might look like blocking, reporting and walking away from their tablets when something makes them feel uncomfortable or someone is being mean. Teaching our children how to take those steps when someone is bullying them or simply being unkind to them online is so important.

We sat down as a family, using Google’s #BeInternetAwesome Family Guide as our “lesson plan” to act out scenarios, make paper links and used this chance to listen & teach. I feel that having these talks early on and often is important and so needed during these times.

I want to raise kind, empathic, strong children who will come to be kind, empathic, strong adults.

What is one thing as a parent you want to teach your children about being kind online?

#NationalBullyingPreventionMonth

Happy Birthday to our sweet girl! ⁣ ⁣ You’ve

Happy Birthday to our sweet girl! ⁣
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You’ve been with a part of our family for four birthday now. I remember your first birthday with us, I was tirelessly making homemade cupcakes in your favorite colors and frosting them perfectly. ⁣
Now your tearing opening the countless gifts from family and eating your store bought ice cream cake. ⁣
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Being your mother has taught me so much and I know you’ll continue to teach me things. Drue and I are so lucky to be your parents.⁣
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Happy Birthday 6th White Tiger!

I feel like most parents can agree that our childr

I feel like most parents can agree that our children these last few months have had a bit more screen time than we would like. Whether your kids are homeschooling, virtual learning, or using screens to be kept busy while you get work done, we need to be worried about their eyes. ⁣
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#AD @CocoAndBreezy x @ZenniOptical PlanetCB glasses with Blokz blue-light blocking lenses bring comfort to my little mama heart. We all know the side effects of prolonged use of screens on our eyes and we need to make sure that we are protecting our children's eyes who are using screens now more than ever.⁣
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Finding blue-light blocking glasses that not only fit my kids but their personality was so easy with the Planet CB collection. Each style comes with a positive affirmation that my kids really love and helps them feel confident in themselves! With how cute my kids look in their glasses and the added knowledge that they are protecting their eyes while homeschooling, #PlanetCBxZenni glasses were exactly what I needed. We also love that sales from the collection go toward the Child Mind Institute to support Black children’s mental health.⁣
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#PlanetCBxZenni #Ad

I’ve dealt with racism in our own family⁣⁣⁣
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It didn’t matter how polite I was, it didn’t matter how properly I spoke, it didn't matter how clean my clothes were or what college I attended. There were still family members on Drue side of the family that did not accept me. As much as I wanted them to change their mind and for them to see me, there really was nothing I could do. ⁣⁣⁣
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Then we had our son and I made the choice that I would not subject my child to that. It didn't matter if they were ”family”. I knew how it felt to have strangers, professors and classmates to not see me equally I couldn't imagine what it would feel like as a child to have family memebers feel that way about me too. ⁣⁣⁣
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So I had to have THAT conversation with Drue, on how those certain family members weren't allowed near our children. I'll be honest, I don't think Drue in the beginning didn't fully comprehended how hard it would be cutting these people out of our lives but he COMPLETELY supported me. For me this wasn't my first rodeo, I had perfected distancing myself from people. ⁣⁣⁣
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For my transracial adoptive parents, I say this in my most motherly stern voice I can: your child is not a experiment! That family member who jokingly says racist things, who doesnt see everyone as equals, who jokes around and calls your child a monkey.... your child needs YOU to protect them from that.⁣⁣⁣
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I've had to verbally express that certain family members weren't allowed to baby blessings at family gatherings, I've taken my name off of hospital registries so I didn't get unexpected visits after giving birth, I've slam doors in people faces with gift in hand during my children birthday parties. ⁣⁣⁣
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You will all of the these hard moments and more. Your child needs you to do that for them. ⁣Your child needs you to protect them. ⁣⁣
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It's been almost a decade since we've seen those certain family members and to this day I've never regretted making that decision. ⁣⁣⁣
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Sadly, I know that my children will grow up and deal with racism but knowing that I didn't subject or introduce them to that means the world to me. ⁣⁣⁣
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